My journey hasn’t been easy - and I know many of us could say the same.

I love life. I trust life. I am in deep romance with life. The bitterness. The sweetness. I love the stars. I love my friends, my family, my beloved partner, my dog Chaga, my plants. I love to dance. I love to write poetry. I love psychedelic music & culture. I love festivals- they are medicine to my soul and tend to my innate wildness. I love it when I meet new people or have new experiences and they move me so deeply that it feels like a remembering. I love the sunrise. I love coffee & cacao, they are my allies. I love my work. I love the people with whom I am blessed to work. I love stories, both telling them and listening. I love those moments when my mind is blown, or my belief systems unravel. I love seeing the people I love in their innocence- sweet and strange mannerisms that they are totally unaware of. I love fire, to watch it, to dance with it. I love the smells that come with different seasons and the memories they carry and evoke. 

I feel life and its currents deeply. I always have. Sometimes its exquisitely beautiful, Sometimes its very, very hard.

​I wouldn't change a thing.

I find it easy - perhaps natural - to live in Romance with Life, I’ve never “fitted in…” The common dialogue in my family was “its not her first time here…”

My name, Phoebe, means bright one. I’ve always felt a resonance with that.

There was so much I just couldn’t understand about life. So much pain that I couldn’t place. I felt things so strongly as a young one. I remember the moment at 5 years of age I discovered that the meat on my plate came from animals - I couldn’t accept it. I still weep when I contemplate that moment, and when I connect to it, I can feel the pain of all the animals who’s trust we have ever broken, wailing and grieving through me. It’s intense!

Whether from my Taurus-rooted stubbornness or a deep spiritual knowing- three decades on and meat has not passed my lips.

I’ve always been deeply attuned to life, to the natural world, to animals, to my Truth, to what feels right. I can’t not follow this. So my path has been an interesting one...!

Childhood was simultaneously full of Love and full of Pain. It was deeply confusing.

With nowhere to put this pain, or no capacity to process it, I spent much of my time in hospital as a child, suffering from unexplained chronic pain and intensely painful back spasms that no one could diagnose. I will never find the words that can express the magnitude of the pain of my first back spasm, at age 11. It felt like the fabric of my being was being torn apart. I was forever changed by that moment. Decades later, I have been shown and come to understand that back spasm as my first initiation. At the time, I did not have the wisdom, guidance, tools or support to understand how to hold, maintain and direct such high voltage power, energy and life force- so, it broke me. Now I do :)

I had no emotional intelligence to make sense of what I’d been through - and I’d locked it all deep in my body. I was lost and I kept the trauma of this pain to myself. I feel so deeply sad when I contemplate the life that drained out of me in those years. I wish to scoop up and kiss that younger self when I sense her. These regular hospital visits and a haze of prescribed valium coloured my experience from age 11 for over a decade. I am pleased to say that I am reclaiming a lot of lost childhood memories through my work with the plants.

By 16, drugs and dissociation were my saving grace - yay - I’d found my escape. What came from and through this was trauma after trauma, that now I see catapulted me into facing my original wounds and healing. I was constantly seeking the edge, any edge so that I could meet myself- my unconscious yearning for initiation.

Arrests, hospital visits, self-harm, vicious panic attacks, drug abuse and overdose, motorbike accidents, sexual assault, putting myself in insanely dangerous situations that with reflection I wonder how I survived… These were just a few of the themes that wove the fabric of my life. It was hard and chaotic. There were moments I came very close to leaving here. And yet I still had my light. I could feel it. The ones who loved me could see it.

In 2012 - synchronising with the cosmic events the Mayans had pointed toward - my world changed. I discovered LSD. I discovered breathwork. I discovered Kundalini. I began to have huge, expansive spiritual experiences that I couldn’t understand or place - and yet I knew they were healing me. The path has opened and been a strong teacher since then. Purging all that is not of Love. Ooof it has been strong medicine!

My chronic pain and spasms that would leave me paralysed and stuck for weeks on end had continued into my early 20s. Until one day, after a deep breathwork experience I experienced a strong vision where I was catapulted back into my childhood home that I had not entered for over a decade. I could see the stitching on the curtains. The wax on the copper pipe candle holders. The peel of the Vogue magazines stacked under the velvet heart-shaped chocolate boxes my father would gift my mother every year. I was there. I went back to witness the experience that had initiated this chronic pain in the first place. I emerged from these visions shaking, so alive with Shakti, my nervous system vibrating with sonic levels of electricity. In divine alignment, I had a therapy session with my therapist Tasha (who I am so immensely grateful for our 6+ years of work together, who is the human that has played the most pivotal role in my healing alongside my beloved partner and the plants). We worked to process the material that had come up. Working in the energetic and imaginal space, I gave back what was not mine. I don’t remember much, but when I came round she was holding my feet. After this I didn’t sleep or eat for 3 days. I was so alive. SO free!

I have not had the pain, or a spasm since.

Over a decade of pain vanished.

And… I’m grateful to say that I have now been shown how to alchemise the immensity of the power that comes through me, and, to use it for healing.

Even as I write these words I weep tears of gratitude. Thank you life.

This is one of many stories I could share, but one that I hold so tenderly to my heart. I share it in the essence of vulnerability and Truth, and to give context to why I do what I do.

I trust in life. I trust in breath. I trust in therapy. I trust in plant medicine. I trust in the inner healing intelligence. I trust in expanded states offering a key for our healing. I trust in what is happening on our planet, and the uplift of consciousness.

Offering others the space to access the healing that I have received is an answered prayer, and comes from the overflowing gratitude I have for my own personal experiences. It is a deep honour to give back and to be of service to this collective mission.

I am ever learning.

Ever shedding.

Ever rising.

Ever becoming more me.

Thank you for reading,

Phoebe x